SALVATION ARMY SONG (TETON TEA PARTY SONG)
(author and composer unknown; learned in Cal Band at UC Berkeley in 1952;-it became popular in the 1960s as a theme song for Teton Tea parties
-with many additional verses being written for it as shown below)
We're coming, we're coming, our brave little band.
We never eat fruitcake because it has rum.
We never eat cookies because they have yeast,
(additional verses composed and recorded at Teton Tea parties in the 1960s)
We never drink beer because it has hops,
We never eat peaches because they ferment,
We never eat grapes, they ferment in their skins,
We never eat oatmeal because it's just mush,
Now they have Ban for the person that stinks,
We never watch television, we think it's a sin
We never take rubdowns, we think they're a crime
When you meet a folksinger you haven't much choice
We never drink milkshakes, 'cause milkshakes have malt.
We never drink vodka, 'cause vodka's erratic,
We always use matches instead of a lighter;
We never drink vodka, we never drink gin,
We haven't used water since early last week,
We haven't used water since early last week,
We stand on the corner and we beat all our drums,
We Sunday-school scholars remember the time
We never eat apples 'cause they are the food
Some mushrooms that grow in the ground are a curse,
And peyote's another thing which we despise
We strongly disapprove of morning-glory seeds
Now we're all in the hands of the devil, you see.
We hate Teton Tea because it has wine,
It's three thousand miles on my bike I did drive,
We hate dianetics because it's so queer,
(from miriam berg's folksong collection)
On the right side of temperance we now take our stand.
We don't chew tobacco because we do think
That the people who use it are liable to drink!
Away, away with rum, by gum, with rum, by gum, with rum, by gum,
Away, away with rum, by gum, that's the song of the Salvation Army.
And one little bit makes a man like a bum.
Now can you imagine a sorrier sight
Than a man eating fruitcake until he gets tight?
Away, away with rum, by gum.....
And one little crumb makes a man like a beast.
Now can you imagine a greater disgrace
Than a man in the gutter with crumbs on his face?
Away, away with rum, by gum.....
And one little glass gives a man the trots,
Now can you imagine a sorrier sight
Than a man drinking beer and trotting all night?
Away, away with rum, by gum.....
And they will ferment with the least little dent.
Now can you imagine a sorrier sight
Than a Mormon high on peaches he thought were all right?
Away, away with rum, by gum.....
And one little grape turns a man toward sins.
Now can you imagine a fate worse than rape
Than to fall into sin because of a grape?
Away, away with rum, by gum.....
One little spoonful turns a kid to a lush,
Now can you imagine the pain of a ma
Than to see little Junior act just like his pa?
Away, away with rum, by gum.....
And they have Viceroys for the person who thinks.
But stinking and thinking they don't bother me,
I take care of both with Teton Tea.
Away, away with rum, by gum.....
To exhibit the body of a nude Rin-tin-tin.
And all those bad cowboys a-shooting their guns,
And a-shooting again when they show the reruns.
Away, away with rum, by gum.....
And we always condemn them in song and in rhyme.
An alcohol back-rub is worse than straight gin,
When you think of the alcohol absorbed through the skin.
Away, away with rum, by gum.....
But to sit there and listen while he proves he has no voice.
And the shockingest thing to imagine by far
Is a girl with no G-string--upon her guitar.
Away, away with rum, by gum.....
And one little sip brings your mind to a halt.
Now can you imagine a horror more rash
Than a man in the drunktank with a chocolate mustache?
Away, away with rum, by gum.....
And a drink that's erratic is not democratic,
Oh, can you imagine a sorrier fate
Than a man getting drunk for the good of the state?
Away, away with rum, by gum.....
The mere use of it makes you just get tighter.
Now can you imagine a sorrier scene
Than a man getting high on e-ner-gine?
Away, away with rum, by gum.....
For vodka is Russian, and gin is a sin.
We think that we all would be better off dead
Than to sit and drink vodka until we turn Red.
Away, away with rum, by gum.....
'Cause they opened a brewery just up the creek.
We're living on prune juice just out of sin's path.
Our only regret is that we can't take a bath.
Away, away with rum, by gum.....
'Cause they opened a brewery just up the creek.
We're living on prune juice just out of sin's path.
Our only regret is that we can't take a bath.
Away, away with rum, by gum.....
While we salvage your souls and feed all the bums.
We're doing our best just to guard you from sin,
So avoid temptation, excitation, and gin.
Away, away with rum, by gum.....
When Jesus our Saviour turned the water into wine.
But that was such a spiritual drink
That no one that day in sin's sickness did sink.
Away, away with rum, by gum.....
That Eve gave to Adam to make him feel nude.
Now can you imagine a sorrier clod
Than a man wearing fig leaves and hiding from God?
Away, away with rum, by gum.....
For they'll give you visions of hellfire or worse.
The sights and the sounds and the colors on a trip
Will keep you from reaching that old gospel ship.
Away, away with rum, by gum.....
For whenever you take it it clouds up your eyes.
Now a fate like that shouldn't happen to a dog,
To be looking for heaven and finding a fog.
Away, away with rum, by gum.....
For munching them and crunching them will lead to strange deeds.
You'll feel quite peculiar, your fate will draw nigh,
As you will fall upward into the sky.
Away, away with rum, by gum.....
He's trying to tempt you and to tempt me.
Now can you imagine the trap that we're in
When everying we want leads us straight into sin?
Away, away with rum, by gum.....
And one little sip turns a man to swine.
Now can you imagine a sillier sight,
Than to drink Teton Tea and singing all night?
Away, away with Teton Tea, with Teton Tea.....
And it is a wonder that I'm still alive.
My bike didn't run right, but I fixed it, you see:
I filled up the gas tank with Teton Tea!
Away, away with Teton Tea.....
And the least little process turns a man to a clear.
Now can you imagine a fate that is worse
Than becoming a clear and still living on earth?
Away, away with Teton Tea.....