VASSAR HYGIENE SONG
(by Vassar students class of '23; learned from Song Fest in the late 1950s)
Oh, we never used to bathe till we heard the doctor rave
Oh, we always used to weep when we heard the chickens peep
Oh, we always used to hate to be told to sit up straight
Let us pause in admiration of the racial obligation
Let us sing in dulcet tones all about the new hormones
(from miriam berg's folksong collection)
In the lectures that she gave how to behave
Now we take our daily bath even though we miss our math
How in the world do you know that? She told us so.
When we grow older, then we'll grow bolder
We'll take it colder, up to the shoulder
This we must do ev'ry day, even though we pass away
How in the world do you know that? She told us so.
In the boiled eggs we eat every old week
Now we eat them ev'ry day, pepper takes the taste away
How in the world do you know that? She told us so.
When we grow bolder, we'll take them older,
Hotter or colder, what if they moulder?
Nothing but the egg is lacking, still we have the sawdust packing
How in the world do you know that? She told us so.
Now our posture's simply great, early and late,
Keep your head up and your waist in, don't forget about your chin,
How in the world do you know that? She told us so.
When we grow older, we won't be told to
Keep a straight shoulder, it'll come natural
When you bend up like a bow, where do all your organs go?
All of this you ought to know; she told us so.
And amoeba's propagation of his generations
'Twas an epoch-making spasm rent in twain his protoplasm
How in the world do you know that? She told us so.
As he grew older, the sea grew colder
Making him bolder to linger no longer
He developed respiration, then maternal abnegation,
Hence the present generation, she told us so.
That have taught the little rabbits scientific mating habits
In each sexless little cell, bashful bunnies do quite well
How in the world do you know that? She told us so.
As they grow older, they will grow bolder,
No more sterility, only fertility,
They will never be frustrate, they will only propagate,
And maintain that high birth rate, she told us so.